Many people around me recently have been reeling from the loss of a beloved pet, it has hit them SO hard, they can hardly breathe let alone function. And the people outside of their immediate family are sympathetic to an extent, however, more often than not they see this loss as a minor one (unless they are pet lovers themselves), which is really hard to take!
I often hear clients saying, “it’s a lonely place when you’re grieving – people don’t want to listen to you. The world keeps going and you feel a bit lost” and this seems to be particularly the case when you have lost a pet. Others around you expect you to just carry on as usual, stating things such as “it was only a cat” or “for goodness sake, it was a dog, get some perspective”. Clearly these people are not animal lovers or they would have more insight.
Pets are a major part of people’s families and sometimes they are loved more than some of the humans within that family! Certainly it is not unusual to hear that a person has grieved more for the loss of their pet than the loss of a close relative. Of course this is predominantly dependent on the relationship between those relatives.
What is very obvious to me is that animals provide you with copious amounts of unconditional love, they soothe you when you are feeling stressed, anxious or poorly. They will often sense your wellbeing before you do and they are a constant source of care and support in ways that often another human cannot provide.
So of course when you lose such a beloved pet, it feels like your world caves in and they leave a massive hole in your life. The house feels empty without them and your routines are no longer the same.
And the way that your pet passes also has some bearing on how it impacts you – whether they die naturally and peacefully or whether they become poorly and you are required to make the unbearable decision to have them put to sleep. Whether they are involved in some kind of accident or have been hurt by another animal and they cannot be successfully treated – it all has a bearing on how you deal with the upset, and sometimes trauma, of losing your beloved pet.
What is important for you to know is that your grief is valid, despite, or whether, others’ minimise it! The loss of your pet is no less than other losses in your life. It may be different, however, it is no less real.
The bond that you have with your pet is really special. After all they will have witnessed you going through a variety of vulnerable times and emotions in your life. Their companionship is irreplaceable!
When those in our society do not recognise the grief caused by the loss of your beloved pet, it can make it harder for you to process. This type of grief is a form of ‘disenfranchised grief’.
You can also experience immense guilt if you have had to take that heart-breaking decision to euthanise your pet. A lot of the time it is the only option available to relieve your pet’s pain and it is important to note that you have acted in your pet’s best interest and it is the most humane decision you can make. I want you to know that it is very normal to wrestle with this kind of guilt, however you have not failed your pet in any way, shape of form. I repeat, you have made a deeply human, loving decision to aid your pet’s suffering or eventual suffering if you had not done this.
As with any grief, there is no right way to grieve and you may feel fine one day and be in pieces that next. To support you, I have created a free ‘Loss of Pet’ Resource that you can access here Losing a beloved pet can be an incredibly painful and disorientating experience. or go to my Free Stuff under the Resources heading on my website. This Resource is full of ways to support your loss and subsequent grief. In addition you can access The Grief Collective meditation here The Grief Collective Meditation - that will also bring you peace and calm and connection.
In the meantime, here are a couple of journaling prompts to support you:
· What would you want to say to your pet if you could? What might they say to you?
· How can you honour your pets memory in a way that feels meaningful to you?
In addition you may wish to create a ‘ritual of remembrance’ for your pet:
For example, you may wish to light a candle, plant a flower, or create a small ‘altar’ with their photo and favourite toy. Or you could create a memory jar, where you fill the jar with the beautiful or funny memories that you shared with your beloved pet.
I hope that this blog has been useful to you and that should you require one to one support, please do reach out to me.
In all love,
Lindsey xx